Adventures in Retail/Assembly/Repair Land

 May 22, 2021

A tale of three continents...

My hose reel died. Well, it's been leaking for two years, but it's been a discreet leak. Nobody could really see it, and if I positioned the reel properly, the evidence would get lost in the weeds, so to speak.

But then water began arcing from the intake fitting, launching small but admirably artistic jets of evidence.

Time to visit the Land of Retail.

Nothing caught my eye in brick-and-mortar shops, so I went virtual. I finally landed on a $100 model, which seemed to have all the features I desired. Mostly, no leaks. So I ordered it, and eagerly pined for one of the myriad daily delivery trucks to stop at our place...

At last, what I thought would be my dream arrived, and immediately I was transported to Assembly Island, which, it turns out, is just one Metro stop short of Hades. Oh, the instructions were fine, on cursory examination, but then I noticed there were two parts labeled "A", and two labeled "B", and so on. Having wandered around Assembly Island once or twice already, I was not dishearted. Oh no, that happened when I discovered there was no "A" left, and no "A" right. Just two parts embossed with an "A".  Oh wait, no other parts were embossed, labeled, or otherwise identified, save for the "pictures" in the directions. So, the hillbilly engineer in me had to take over. After a couple-three hours and some salty mantalk, voila. Some assembly required, some assembly complete.

Alas, my journey was not yet at an end. Remember that note in the title regarding Repair? I craftily noted that upon cranking the hose onto the reel, the crank handle fell off. True to my gender, I put it back in and cranked harder, again and again, but it kept falling off. I also noticed that the reel handle was on backward. If one wanted to transport the reel from point A to B, the handle would collapse, like a dog laying down refusing to fetch. One could try to haul the reel the other way, but the frame extensions for wall mounting just dug into the sod, more deeply with every inch of horizontal travel. So I sat out on the back deck with two tools and a cup of confidence. Soon I had about 47 tools out (each requiring a trip into the garage) and had to take a swig of shame. Not willing (and some would say not able) to admit defeat, I finally disassembled, reversed all the parts ("B" became backward "B", "A" became "Z", and so on) and reassembled the unit.

Elapsed time, labor only, Assembly and Repair, five hours.

And I have a passport and a KTN, so you'd have thought it wouldn't have been so turbulent a ride.

I think I'll vacation at home next time.

Oh shit, this was home...



it looks so benign...

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